Mr. 'Ye's V-Day

We all know that Christmas can bring alot of familial anxiety but other holidays have their moments as well. And who else could capture the stress and hilarity of this supposed Hallmark Holiday besides our dear friend Mr. West?

So I would like to give the Kanye Version of our favorite romantic day of the year!

Janie and Michael have been dating for about two and a half years, going so far as to seriously consider marriage. However, Michael is ready to propose to Janie in the most romantic (and cliched) city in the world. On Valentine's Day.

Janie: I am so glad we got to spend this time together, honey, I really love being with you.

Michael: I love being with you too, dear. And you know what?

Janie: What?

Michael: I want to spend the rest of my lie with you. And I want to start right now. Please do me the honor of being my wife, best friend, and the mother of my children. Will you marry me, Jane Mildred Montgomery?

Janie: Hold up! I know we've been talking about legalizing this thing but proposing on Valentine's Day in the middle of Paris? Naw, son. I can't role like that. You got to come correct. I mean I'm not talking blimps and stuff but at least something a little better than the cliche Parisian romance deal. Really? Is that all I mean to you? I would've rather you put in a piece of cake or something.

Michael: But I thought we didn't care how or when but why? I thought you wanted what I wanted. A life of happiness and partnership as well as family and friendship.

Janie: Now there you go with that Hallmark schpeel. C'mon, son! I was born at night, not last night.

Michael: So what does this mean for us?

Janie: There's no us. Relationship Status update: now single and ready to mingle. Peace!

Michael: (Looks bewildered and turns away.)

Devin has just met this great girl, Lana who he's been dating for about two weeks. However, to show her he feels, he decided to go full force with the full V-Day package.

We pickup with Devin rushing at 4:45pm to get to the flower shop where he runs into bit of well..let's see.

Devin: Hi, I'd like to order a dozen roses to be delivered to Lana Key tomorrow at noon.

Kevin (floral shop worker): Oh so you're Lana's friend? She's never mentioned anything about you to me. She's my girlfriend.

Devin: Hold up! How is she your woman? I been chilling with her for two weeks and counting, step off son.

Kevin: Um, let' see: 1. We've been together for about for two months 2. My mama made her special chicken wings for her and she got the official mom seal. What you got son?

Devin: I know how to build a connection with a lady before I go mom official with her. Get your game together. She better get here so we can settle this.

(In walks Lana)

Lana: I know, I have to explain myself but I really shouldn't have to. Guys do this all the time without our knowledge and yet as a woman, it looks less than ladylike. Nah, I can't go for that.

Devin: What I can't go for is you stringing me along like we were for real when you dating Mr. Teleflora over there. That's triflin'. I could have respected your hustle had you been up front with your game. You need help.

Kevin: And you're much better? Making last minute plans that are played out. Would've done better with a Domino's heat-shaped pizza delivery.

Lana: Excuse me, I'm picking you up Mr. Teleflora Man. You think you're all that when you nothing but the greasy Wise chips out the machine.

Devin: No, if anybody's going to the dumping it's me. You fooled me into coming here when I found out the truth. Peace and chicken grease to both y'all.

Devin walks out with a pocket full o' cash.

Reggie works at the local doctor's office but he uses his lunch hour to meet women in the local restaurant across the street. His style of dress or lack thereof has become a subject of chatter alongside his nonchalant approach to women.

Unfortunately, he crossed the wrong woman today. Rachel, is a former classmate of Reggie's and remembers him well for his antics, however he doesn't remember her.

Reggie: Hey there! I would love to order a lovely scoop of your smile!

Rachel: Really? I don't think so. Not now, not ever Reggie.

Reggie: Wait, we've met?

Rachel: High school? Oh yeah, that's right- you were busy hitting on girls who thought you were Steve Urkel's twin!

Reggie: C'mon, I was only trying to do what I needed. I can't help if there was a haterish reaction.

Rachel: Just stop Reggie, you're fooling yourself but not me. I know you work in the office across the street and you trying to find you shining star, but you're tripping and I'm just trying to tell you about yourself.

Reggie: Okay and?

Rachel: Nobody cares what you do, but how you do it. You cannot drop lines on women without purpose. Get yourself together and find the right person. And stop hitting on people from ten years ago.

Reggie: I see what your saying...